#realtwittergate

The following was sent to @govfresh via multiple DMs under the pseudonym “@realtweetthroat” with the request his identify be withheld to protect him, his family and his real high-ranking position at the real White House.

@govfresh,

By now the world knows that while @cheeky_geeky was out having dinner, silly old Twitter got banned from the White House.

What’s unbelievable is that @GovTwit found out about this the same day it announced a 1,300% growth in Gov Twittering.

@arrington‘s @techcrunch is no @washingtonpost and this is not your ordinary Twittergate.

This is “#realtwittergate.”

For all Vivek “I don’t tweet” Kundra’s #opengov #gov20 talk, its still business as usual, no different than disabling the telegraph in the Lincoln White House or the rotary phone in Bush’s.

Aneesh “I don’t tweet either” Chopra has full access to all social media accounts and jokes about blocking Vivek. His relationship with @macon and @BevUSA is pretty tenuous. Definitely an Al Haig “I am in control here” power struggle.

While the rest of us try to save health care and solve this economic thing, @barackobama is above the rest of us. Every hour, he parades around bragging about his follower count and “Oprah just DM’d me.” Really loses it when he gets a Qwitter message, often calling IRS to follow-up. “Just scare ’em a little.”

I’m just tired of tweeting from my Blackberry in the Eye Street Grill basement, seemingly the only place in DC beyond reach of twire-taps. It would be MUCH easier trying to get @caseycoleman‘s attention from inside the White House.

Other scandalous Administration twidbits American twitizens must know:

  • @Kal_Penn now admits leaving “House” was “a big mistake” and thought it was going to be more like ‘The West Wing,’ “only with Twitter.”
  • @lovisatalk is the person behind all of those #iranelection hashtags and just doesn’t get why @biz and @ev should get all the credit. “Ghandhi is still waiting for his Nobel Prize. They can, too.”
  • @marydavie‘s “Acquisition 2.0” is really a clandestine effort to stimulate the economy (dig deeper in the Zappos/Amazon deal and raid her shoe closet).
  • @levyj413 doesn’t even recycle and says @greenversations and “the whole green thing” is “a lost cause.”
  • @AndrewPWilson says “the flu shot doesn’t work.”

@carlmalamud is fighting the good fight. No doubt @EllnMllr is losing it during Transparency Camp planning meetings. Haven’t heard a tweep from @timoreilly, most likely off to another keynote. (Tim, stay with us, this is Gov 2.0 at it’s best).

Please @whitehouse, listen to Chief #Nonk @craignewmark and get serious about transforming government.

Forget the economy. Forget health care. Forget national security (sorry @stratsoc).

September is just around the corner and I need a date for the Gov 2.0 Summit Dance. Move over @iJustine, I NEED to DM @caseycoleman.

We’re beyond @crisiscamp at this point. The White House NEEDS Twitter more than ever in the history of American democracy.

@edatpost, meet me in the Eye Street Grill basement. America must hear the truth, the deleted tweets, the lies (@arrington, don’t bother).

There’s more. There’s so much more.

I just hope @cheeky_geeky enjoyed his dinner.

Signed,
@realtweetthroat

P.S. @dslunceford, for the safety of my family and employment status, please, please don’t add my name to @GovTwit.

About realtweetthroat

realtweetthroat is the real tweetthroat. Follow me on Twitter at @realtweetthroat.

7 Responses

  1. This has a rhythm and cadence much like Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire”….

    We didn’t –by the way — start the fire….

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